My Brain on Pain

The reason I have made the decision to document Everything going on in my world is because I kept noticing patterns.  After being  chronically ill for ten years and then spending the past 10 years  (20 collectively), so ill that 90 percent of my life was house bound. The previous past year of that time confined on a couch downstairs as pelvic pain disorder from an unsuccessful adhesions surgery made climbing stairs,  or walking any distance  intolerable.  In addition to the debilitating physical pain, was a psychological torture. The pain replicates the pain I experienced as a child while in the care of my Grandfather Richard Carothers. Richard Carothers was a hotel proprietor and postal delivery man in Prescott Arizona.  I was 4 years old. I stayed with him while my Mother was delivering my brother in Temple City California. Over time I will be sharing my journey with anyone interested in reading or listening to it. I can only promise one thing. Every word is true. I have clung to a relationship with God even before I was capable of understanding what a relationship was or comprehension of Who God was/is. Another thing I can say with certainty.  Every relationship evolving me involves complex elements.  The one part of the Bible that comes easily to me is this. God made Adam because he was lonely. Adam was lonely so God created Eve. Unlike animals God gave his new people the ability to think and communicate. Everything after that? Complicated. l can only swear My hand to God that every single thought, memory , action , experience itself is as true and accurate as I recount. I am forthright and honest. However that has not always been the case. Every day since I was the new older sister and loving daughter in May 1964***check date for accuracy I have lied. Credibility is the first thing taken, or lost, when lies are your friend. A friend because the lies or secrets protect everyone including you. For 52 years I protected every family member by the name or bloodline of Carothers except me. No more. A tale of two cities.  It was the best of times and the worst of times. Patterns and pain left me unable to reason with the unreasonable. Reason demanded me to purge myself of secrets and lies. And led to my documentation of everything in order to find reason and there for peace.